January 2010
108 posts
She’s got it all — the looks, the personality, the charm — needed to get an honorary Darwin Award.
My life is like a James Bond movie. Only that I’m the guy whom Bond kicks in the butt and steals a motorcycle from to chase the villains.
Why, no, I’m not out of gas. I’m just taking an evening walk with my motorcycle. Anyway, it was nice of you asking.
2010 version of the chicken-or-egg question: Which came first, the Twitter addiction or the not having a life?
Whenever I meet a new family member (or an old family member who I didn’t know existed), I hope that they do not follow me on Twitter.
Agreeing: Say “You’re right, dear”.
Disagreeing: Look deeply into her eyes; in a loving, caring voice, say “Sorry, dear … you’re right”.
OMG I can fly! I’m flying! I’m AWESOME! #LSD #LastTweet
Agreeing: Say “You’re right, dear”.
Disagreeing: Look deeply into her eyes & in an apologetic voice, say “Sorry, dear … you’re right”.
This movie’s plot is so weak that it can be elaborated in a single tweet.
Thanks to Tamil movies, I miss those days when the chief male protagonist of Malayalam movies didn’t play his part in God mode.
I keep wondering which is the most unfortunately named planet in our solar system. Nobody on Twitter seems to have any idea.
I’ve got a bad feeling that James Cameron might be the current Grand Master of the Priory of Sion.
RT @gothscifigirl: ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have to share a bathroom for the rest of your life.
Proof that Bing sucks. http://twitpic.com/104z5k (Like someone needed that…)
Have you heard the story of the Holy Valve? It is the first vacuum diode in ENIAC that failed when the machine started working.
I read Aamir Khan’s blog regularly; so that, when the zombie apocalypse happens, the zombies that eat my brain will die of food poisoning.
Why I won’t sleep with Devon Aoki: She just goes cold when there’s a camera in her one mile radius, no matter whether it’s hidden or not.
The same holds true in the case of Kareena Kapoor also.
I know it. I know the truth. There’s no Santa. It’s just the Batman, and he’s a paedophile.
RT @MrBigFists: If you consider the alternative, me hurting your feelings was really an act of mercy.
id Software is making a game engine, the hardware capable of running which does not yet exist. So who do they think they are? Microsoft?
Fear can hold you prisoner. A handsome bribe can set you free.
My superpower is turning off all you people’s superpowers. *Snaps fingers* See?
Microsoft to release new version of Windows by end of November 2012? Damn it. I knew the Mayans were right.
Rajnikanth acts in “Murattu Kaalai” and we mock him. Robert De Niro acts in “Raging Bull” and we are all like, WOW. Hypocrites.
Remember when we had other things to worry about, like school, kids, shrink appointments etc. before Favstar? That was so stupid.
Twitter is for the times when I am totally bored and want to play “How to Piss Off the Most Number of People With a Single Click”.
Give a man some money, you feed him for a day. Teach him how to print money on his own, the goverment will feed him for a lifetime.
In the Bookstore: Oops. What you said was “Hold my BOOKS for a moment”? Listen, lady, I came here to buy a hearing aid, okay? WHAT?
People tend to value your opinions more if you always finish what you’re saying with an intensifier. Seriously.
The number of times I use the F word in a day is the same as a porn star would. How I wish if the contexts weren’t so much different.
The only way I’m gonna love children is if they’re barbecued. No, it’s not a re-telling of an old joke; it’s a fact.
I’ve decided to stop whining and face the challenges of life like a man. Yep. Ignore them and stay on the couch watching TV.
Forgotten celebrity all set to release MMS with her boyfriend | Faking News: http://bit.ly/7TOdsc
I’m not that into this understanding other people’s feelings thing.
FBI announces Photoshop contest for altering Osama’s pictures | Faking News: http://bit.ly/8sr8op
RT @LurkeysBF: Creepiest 3-word text you can receive: I see you. Try it out and see how your acquaintances react!
Defeated the barons of Hell in Phobos Anomaly.
My friend is so bad at driving that now I realise how others feel like when I drive.
I just shat a turd so massive that I feel like my arse is Ranjini Haridas’s mouth.
In DOOM 3, you can use the cheat code GWBUSH to get a powerful bullshit gun that never runs out of ammo and can leave the enemies paralysed.
Why do you call her a bitch when she is young and a cougar when she is old? Which part of her gets an upgrade?
RT @westoflondon: PETA is more opposed to fur than leather because its easier to harass rich old ladies than motorcycle gangs.
RT @_ykv: Next week, I launch my new Anti-Social Networking site, Bitter.
Uh oh. Am I late? I had to stop in the way to protect Earth from a stray asteroid. Happy birthday, @gothscifigirl.
T9 + Carelessness = Tweet with horsible typo
No new tweets in my timeline for the last four hours. Is everyone mourning for Jyoti Basu, or busy with something silly like the real life?
Of all fertility tests, the one with the most disastrous side-effects is the marriage.
I fucking hate weddings. Especially the part when it’s over and people still linger around idling, like zombies.
If anyone want to make a “your mum” joke, in ahead and do it. I won’t be offended. I’m so pissed off by her right now.